Saturday, March 21, 2009

To the Old Lady at Dillard's

Before you go judging me as the "young mother" type-let it be known:

This "young mother" was wed before Kili was a jellybean. So you may now quit judging those rings on my left hand. I did in fact marry my husband for what you would consider the "right" reason.

But suppose I wasn't, that still does not give you the right to look at my child as if she is a sin. No child is ever a "sin". They are their own little innocent people brought into this world by no means of there own. EVERY child is a blessing and gift from GOD no matter their conception.

So you're looking at me with my child crying half a notch above a whine. She's just saying, "Hey mom, this is your warning. Find the nearest exit." Thinking to yourself, "It's not as easy as you thought, huh? You thought you would enjoy "playing house" with your own little babydoll."

Before you judge me know-I never thought this would be easy. I never planned for this to happen. Just like I never expected to get bit by a poisonous snake 10 days before my wedding. I never expected to be hospitalized for three, almost lose a toe, only be able to walk the day before my wedding. I never expected the surgeon to be an idiot. I never expected him to be wrong when he told me none of this would effect my birth control. I never expected to get pregnant and miscarry a baby only a little over a month after being married. I never expected that the doctor would be wrong again, only for us to conceive Kili.

I never expected to feel so many mixed emotions. I never knew the responsibility that God was placing on my shoulders. I never knew that He had faith that with His help I have the capability to be a great mom. I could help Him fulfill His Plans through this little tiny baby. I never knew how hard this was going to be. I did not expect this to happen to me.

I was the good girl, the smart girl in high school. I was supposed to go onto college with my full ride plus and excel. Get an amazing degree. Make the big bucks.

I never expected to be able to hold on to my scholarship for this long after becoming pregnant. I never expected that I could keep everything together as well as I have. I never expected for me and Chandler to grow up sooo fast. I never expected how much and deeply I could love another human being. I never expected to have my heart hurt so bad as when my baby would cry for hours on end unable to eat thru the pain and choking. I never expected to feel how I felt when Kili gave me her first kiss. I never expected her to have colic that lasted all day long. For her cry to only be silent the three unconsecutive hours she would sleep in her first 2.5 months of life. I never expected for Chandler to have to work 70+ hours a week. I never expected to attend college full-time, take care of a home, cook every meal, be a stay at home mom 5 days a week, and have to do side gigs on the side to make ends meet, all while keeping above a 3.5 gpa. Life is hard sometimes, but I know God is good. He is here with us. He will pull us through this.

So before you judge me as a "young mother", know age does not define whether a mother is good or bad-her actions, selflessness, and love do.

Do know that I love my daughter more than I ever imagined I could be capable of. Know I am extremely greatful that for God's plans being put above mine.

God gave this baby girl to me because He knows far more than I ever will. His Plan for me is better than my own. So before you judge me for being young remember who our Creator is. Do you really think your judgement is better than His?

I apologize if this may seem harsh. Everyday people judge me and Kili. I never noticed the looks before one of my friend's pointed it out to me one day when they were caring my daughter in Wal*Mart. It really bothered them. Obviously I did notice when people have said, "Not as easy as you thought it would be, huh?" on numerous, unsolicited occasions. It does annoy me, but what bothers me more is to think about the other mothers who take it deeply to heart. Who believe the lies that they won't ever be a "real" or "good" mother because they had their child in their teens. My heart grieves for these women. I just wish these women would be given support for not taking the easy road. Be acknowledged for sacrificing the last of their teenage years to become a parent to these sweet, precious, unblemished babies of God.


Kristy said...

I hate that people are so stupid! The bad thing is that when that old lady was young EVERYONE got married and had babies young! Why do they always look at this generation as though it's bad? When I was pregnant with Keira, I didn't have my wedding rings on because my hands were a little swollen, and I had a cashier at wm give me that attitude. I don't know if it was the hormones or what, but I wanted to punch her. My thing is... what's it to them anyway? Ugh.

You guys are great parents and it is completely obvious that you love your baby so much!