You wanna know the best part???....????
Kili fell asleep for almost the entire very long mall trip!!! How wonderful was that. Shopping in peace. Free to feel every fabric and take my sweet time. Ahhhh bliss!
Anyway it was also good the deary was sleeping because this was not a run of the mill, window shopping, browser trip. I had to get some dressy clothes for......................... a sweet job interview. It is tomorrow at 4. For all you sweet praying people out there-if you have an extra second please stick me in. We are really praying for God's will to shine through and to have peace either way. But I am quietly hoping that if I do get the job the I could get a nice wage as well.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
You wanna know the best part???....????
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.
~ Jeremiah 33:3-4, NLT
Saturday, March 21, 2009
I have had quite the accomplishing day. The house looks almost decent. Lots of laundry got done. Attempted a little shopping. Got to love on my teething baby girl. Her top tooth just broke through. Hopefully most of the painful part will be over soon. Poor baby. : (
Chandler ask me the other night-"Why can't babies just be born with teeth?" I had an obvious objection to that. But then I informed him that when babies were born with teeth in most cases they had to be pulled. He then decided to retract his intial statement of wanting our next to be born with teeth. lol.
Tomorrow his parents are coming to visit us after church I think. So I am glad I've already got the house tidy-ed up. And I am so not thinking about doing any homework until Monday. I think then I have a big project class wise for everyday of Spring Break, but the good news is the semester is wrapping up!! Woohoo!! And I am starting to feel better.
Before you go judging me as the "young mother" type-let it be known:
This "young mother" was wed before Kili was a jellybean. So you may now quit judging those rings on my left hand. I did in fact marry my husband for what you would consider the "right" reason.
But suppose I wasn't, that still does not give you the right to look at my child as if she is a sin. No child is ever a "sin". They are their own little innocent people brought into this world by no means of there own. EVERY child is a blessing and gift from GOD no matter their conception.
So you're looking at me with my child crying half a notch above a whine. She's just saying, "Hey mom, this is your warning. Find the nearest exit." Thinking to yourself, "It's not as easy as you thought, huh? You thought you would enjoy "playing house" with your own little babydoll."
Before you judge me know-I never thought this would be easy. I never planned for this to happen. Just like I never expected to get bit by a poisonous snake 10 days before my wedding. I never expected to be hospitalized for three, almost lose a toe, only be able to walk the day before my wedding. I never expected the surgeon to be an idiot. I never expected him to be wrong when he told me none of this would effect my birth control. I never expected to get pregnant and miscarry a baby only a little over a month after being married. I never expected that the doctor would be wrong again, only for us to conceive Kili.
I never expected to feel so many mixed emotions. I never knew the responsibility that God was placing on my shoulders. I never knew that He had faith that with His help I have the capability to be a great mom. I could help Him fulfill His Plans through this little tiny baby. I never knew how hard this was going to be. I did not expect this to happen to me.
I was the good girl, the smart girl in high school. I was supposed to go onto college with my full ride plus and excel. Get an amazing degree. Make the big bucks.
I never expected to be able to hold on to my scholarship for this long after becoming pregnant. I never expected that I could keep everything together as well as I have. I never expected for me and Chandler to grow up sooo fast. I never expected how much and deeply I could love another human being. I never expected to have my heart hurt so bad as when my baby would cry for hours on end unable to eat thru the pain and choking. I never expected to feel how I felt when Kili gave me her first kiss. I never expected her to have colic that lasted all day long. For her cry to only be silent the three unconsecutive hours she would sleep in her first 2.5 months of life. I never expected for Chandler to have to work 70+ hours a week. I never expected to attend college full-time, take care of a home, cook every meal, be a stay at home mom 5 days a week, and have to do side gigs on the side to make ends meet, all while keeping above a 3.5 gpa. Life is hard sometimes, but I know God is good. He is here with us. He will pull us through this.
So before you judge me as a "young mother", know age does not define whether a mother is good or bad-her actions, selflessness, and love do.
Do know that I love my daughter more than I ever imagined I could be capable of. Know I am extremely greatful that for God's plans being put above mine.
God gave this baby girl to me because He knows far more than I ever will. His Plan for me is better than my own. So before you judge me for being young remember who our Creator is. Do you really think your judgement is better than His?
I apologize if this may seem harsh. Everyday people judge me and Kili. I never noticed the looks before one of my friend's pointed it out to me one day when they were caring my daughter in Wal*Mart. It really bothered them. Obviously I did notice when people have said, "Not as easy as you thought it would be, huh?" on numerous, unsolicited occasions. It does annoy me, but what bothers me more is to think about the other mothers who take it deeply to heart. Who believe the lies that they won't ever be a "real" or "good" mother because they had their child in their teens. My heart grieves for these women. I just wish these women would be given support for not taking the easy road. Be acknowledged for sacrificing the last of their teenage years to become a parent to these sweet, precious, unblemished babies of God.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Right now in this moment I am giving these things to God. I can't carry them any longer by myself. HE cares for me beyond my measurable understanding. HE is big enough to overcome this. I alone am not.
I give HIM this terrible, painful post partnum depression. I will not struggle with it anymore. It is stripping joy and strength from my life. It is bringing wrong and hopeless thoughts. I'm finished. God can cleanse me of this and will give me peace.
I am giving HIM the job situation. HE will direct me as I need to go. I have faith HE will answer me.
I am trusting HIM to lead us where HE would have us to live. To get us in a safer, better area with room for Kili to grow and play in HIS beautiful outdoors.
"Then when you call, the Lord will answer. "Yes, I am here," He will quickly reply."
~ Isaiah 58:9, NASB
I claim this verse for my life. HE hears me.
Friday, March 13, 2009
This day has seemed to go on forever. Luckily, for me I have gotten a lot accomplished. Reorganized Kili's closet. Got the rest of the stuff together I am consigning in Rhea Lana's. Ironed every outfit that needed it in Kili's closet. (You know how people always give you these super cute outfits, but after going thru the dryer they look like they have been smashed in a trash compactor. Ya, I ironed all of those so we can actually wear them since we get ready in .5 seconds before we have to leave usually. Folded about 6 loads of laundry. Finished a couple craft projects. Tackled the refrigerator. And wrangled a mommy needin' babe all day. Yep it's been an accomplished sort of day. Boy I am pooped. Chandler is still not home from Job numero dos. And two papers waiting to be written are calling my name. Have a G-R-E-A-T weekend! Out----------------
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Thought you might enjoy this interesting prayer given in Kansas at
the opening session of their Senate. It seems prayer still upsets some people.
Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask
your forgiveness and to seek your
who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done.
We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.
We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.
We have killed our unborn and called it choice.
We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.
We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem.
We have abused power and called it politics.
We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition.
We have polluted the air with profanity and
pornography and called it freedom of expression.
We have ridiculed the time-honored values
of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.
Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts
today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free.
The response was immediate. A number of
legislators walked out during the prayer in
protest. In 6 short weeks, Central Christian
Church, where Rev. Wright is pastor, logged more than
5,000 phone calls with only 47 of those calls
responding negatively. The church is now receiving
international requests for copies of this prayer
from India , Africa and Korea .
Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on
his radio program, 'The Rest of the Story,'and
received a larger response to this program than any
other he has ever aired.
With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep
over our nation and wholeheartedly become our
desire so that we again can be called 'one nation under God.'
I didn't even know how ppl got on there. I am so stinkin' excited.
It is way to cold and icky outside.
Sometimes Arkansas weather drives me crazy.
I miss the gorgeous weather and warm temps. Come back soon!!!
College is not going to be very much fun in this weather.
On a brighter note I am having a great hairday, even with the rain!!!! Nothing can stop me now! jk
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
We are at our wits end trying to get Kili to eat. We have tried baby food-every flavor and stage, table food, and toddler type snacks. This kid will not eat more than 4 bites of baby food and a few fruit puffs most days. She literally spits the food right back out-like sprays it. We have tried continuing to feed her anyway or trying again later. And that is if we can even get her to pry her little sweet lips apart. She does get rice cereal in her bottles due to her swallowing problems, but it isn't enough to fill her up or nutritionally meet her needs. She only drinks about 3.5 - 8oz bottles a day and a little juice. She does look like such a chunk. I truly believe it is only by the Lord's grace and goodness she is though. We are worried about her nutrition. Her new pediatrician keeps blowing me off and telling me not to worry about it. We just moved to town not long ago and I don't know of another pediatrician that is good. I would love for some moms to throw some advice out there for me. Thanks!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Before: Kili's Manly Man Big Boy Carseat
After: Kili's Super Soft and Princess-y Carseat
Now don't look to closely. I did not have a pattern, and this is the first one I have ever done. It's sooo super soft. It fits like a slipcover. I think I may redo it. I wasn't totally happy with how it turned out. I think I will actually just reupholster the actual seat pad in like terry cloth for summer or some fun print and keep this as the removable, washable cover.
Friday, March 6, 2009
So I'll sum up today. Kili whined, then she cried, then she whined, then she cried. The end. Ugh. Days like this stink, but I am so thankful to have her. All day as I held the little waller-er I tried to remember in the moment. Too soon I will wish for these baby holdin' days. We all have our days. I wonder if she ever thinks that about me. lol. We are 1 for 5 tries on baby food this week. Today was not a winner. But I was beyond thrilled she ate a jar one day this week.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.
~ James 1:5, NLT
Monday, March 2, 2009
Guys I will be drawing a name after I get back from class tonight. Giveaway entry ends at 8 pm. I'll be trying to get to the winner quick for a size and address, so I can make it and mail it by Wednesday at the very latest. Thanks for entering!! I'm so excited!!